...I looked down at
my underpants and I couldn’t believe it.
There was blood on them. Not a lot - but enough. I really hollered, “Mom- hey Mom – come quick!”
When my mother got to
the bathroom she said, “What is it? What’s the matter?”
“I got it,” I told
her.
“Got what?”
I started to laugh
and cry at the same time. “My period. I’ve got my period!” My nose started running
and I reached for a tissue.
“Are you sure,
Margaret?” my mother asked.
“Look- look at this,” I said, showing her my
underpants.
“My God! You’ve
really got it. My little girl!” Then her
eyes filled up and she started sniffling too…
“Are you still there God? It’s me, Margaret. I know you’re there God. I know you wouldn’t
have missed this for anything! Thank you
God. Thanks an awful lot…”[1]
Written in 1970, Judy Blume’s
novel Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret
has offered countless readers insights into what it is like to be a girl
transitioning from childhood to adolescence. Along with the books and pamphlets
they received from parents, teachers and the school nurse, girls learned from
Blume that a lot of their joys and concerns related to menarche were “normal.”
Even so, starting one’s period can still be a source of embarrassment. As a twelve-year-old girl, I was at school
when my period started for the second time. I wasn’t prepared and I was frightened that I
might have an accident. (There is a ridiculous amount of shame that girls feel
when their menstrual fluid leaks or when someone sees them carrying a tampon to
the bathroom. It is unnecessary but it is real.)
After a
whispered conversation with my teacher I was given a pass to go the Office to
see the school nurse. More whispering
followed, as I did not want Mr. Donato, the principal to hear my request. I was given the necessary supplies but when I
came out of the Nurse’s Office, one of the secretaries brightly proclaimed,
“Welcome to womanhood!” I was mortified.
I was not a woman! I was a twelve-year-old girl whose secret had been
shared within earshot of a man! I
whispered my thanks and left as quickly as I could.
Although feminists have
championed a variety of tactics in an attempt to end the taboos about
menstruation, feelings of shame and embarrassment persist. We avoid discussing our period in mixed
company. We hesitate to use the words tampons, menstruation, vagina and uterus. We worry about the mess, the
smell and the inconvenience it may cause to a lover during intercourse. As civilized
as we may claim to be, we continue to hold onto taboos.
“Until about fifty years ago, Italians did not allow women to
enter the kitchen while menstruating. In
India, women are considered impure, sick and cursed during their period. Nepalese traditions include banishing women
during menstruation, often expelling them to unheated and unclean shelters
(such as animal sheds.)” [2]
Lest North Americans start to
feel superior about their attitudes towards menstruation, consider the 2015 incident
when Instagram removed a photograph posted by artist Rupi Kaur of a woman in
gray sweatpants whose fluid had leaked through her pants and onto her bed.
[Illustration at right.][3] A complaint was registered that the post was
offensive and Instagram deleted the photograph, not once but twice..[4] Later
that same year when Apple released its
Health app, “the company came under fire for omitting a woman’s menstrual cycle from the many body-related things a user can track.”[5]
Religious taboos
frequently discuss menstruation in terms of cleanliness, but it is important to
remember that cleanliness, particularly in the Hebrew Bible, is not just an
issue of personal hygiene. The laws
connect the physical to the religious and spiritual. Leviticus 15:19-24 says
Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be
ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time
will be unclean until evening. Anything on which the woman lies or sits during
the time of her period will be unclean. If any of you touch her bed, you must
wash your clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean
until evening. If you touch any object she has sat on, you must wash your
clothes and bathe yourself in water, and you will remain unclean until evening.
This includes her bed or any other object she has sat on; you will be unclean
until evening if you touch it. If a man has sexual intercourse with her and her
blood touches him, her menstrual impurity will be transmitted to him. He will
remain unclean for seven days, and any bed on which he lies will be unclean.[6]
One who was unclean could not fully
participate in community life. They were
unable to participate in worship, commerce or fellowship. Additionally,
menstruation was used as a symbol for sinful behavior. In the book of Ezekiel, the prophet proclaims
that God spoke to him saying,
… when the house of Israel lived in their own land, they
defiled it by their ways and their deeds. Their ways before me were like the
uncleanness of a woman in her menstrual impurity.[7]
The Christian New Testament does not specifically address
healthy menstruation but the Synoptic Gospels do tell the story of Jesus coming
into contact with a woman who had been suffering from an unhealthy discharge of
blood for twelve years.[8] Although the cause of her hemorrhage goes
unstated, it is clear that she is seen by her community to be ritually
unclean. She has lived as “an exile
among her own people.”[9] In
an acknowledged act of faithfulness, she is healed by touching Jesus’ cloak. There is no discussion of whether her actions
were seen to make Jesus ritually unclean, but it is certainly not an
unreasonable assumption.
Menopause gets only the
briefest of nods in the Bible. Genesis
18:11 reports that “Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in years [and] the way
of women had ceased to be with Sarah.”[10] Although
they had tried unsuccessfully to conceive for many years, Sarah finally became
pregnant at a time when Sarah described herself as being too old.[11] This is the only mention of menopause in the
Christian Bible and one of a handful of references to infertility.
Most men experience getting older with regret, apprehension.
But most women experience it even more painfully: with shame. Aging is a man’s
destiny, something that must happen because he is a human being. For a woman,
aging is not only her destiny… it is
also her vulnerability[12].
While menopause is as
common as menarche, there is far less preparatory discussion. Most women are aware before they enter
perimenopause, the time when a woman transitions to menopause, that they will
have hormonal changes that may result in mood swings, hot flashes and changes
in sexual appetite. What is discussed less frequently are the various symptoms
which may bring about the same embarrassment felt at menarche.
All
the same nonsense that comes with puberty occurs again during perimenopause—the
hormone surges, the moodiness, and the hair appearing where there wasn’t hair
before. Except instead of filling in under the arms and on nether regions,
these coarse follicles of hate are showing up on our freaking faces. [13]
After decades of being fully
tuned in to the rhythms of her body, a woman may find that nothing works quite
the way she expects. A predictable
monthly cycle can change in timing, duration and intensity. The pre-teenage fears of having an “accident”
return and until a woman misses her period for a full year, she lives in that
in-between land known as perimenopause.
Or as Celia Rivenbark described it, “I'm what is known as perimenopausal. Peri, some of you may know, is a Latin prefix meaning ‘SHUT YOUR
FLIPPIN PIE HOLE.’”[14]
Given the stress of the months or years leading up to it, it
may be surprising to know that menopause can be a source of grief. Even though
a woman of fifty may not want to have another baby, the fact that “the
way of women has ceased with her” is a loss.
FRANKIE: It's just one minute, you're driving around
with your kids, listening to Elmo sing I Don't
Want to Live on The Moon, and the next minute, your doctor's telling you he
can't find your ovaries. And it was all
just funny to him, but it's not funny.
That moment should be marked in some way. No, I mean it. I mean, everybody makes a big deal when you
get married and have a baby, but nobody's having a ceremony for your shriveled
ovaries. You know what I mean?
MIKE: Like when a player retires, and they hoist
his jersey into the rafters.
FRANKIE: Yes! Exactly.
They just- they deserve more
respect. [Sniffles] You know? I mean,
they may not have been the flashiest ovaries, but they got the job done.
MIKE: Hey, they gave us three great kids…
FRANKIE: They deserve something, some sort of send-off
for all their years of service. They deserve more of an ending. They deserve a goodbye. [Sniffles, sighs]
MIKE: They had
a good run.[15]
Of course, not all
perimenopausal women are mothers. Some
have chosen to not have children and some have been unable. Jody Day, founder
of Gateway Women, a network for
childless women, describes childless menopause as
…a
kind of death, one which we survive. It
transforms us, whether we like it or not, whether we’re in
denial about it or are prepared to face it. Childless women are perhaps more
acutely aware of the ‘death in life’ nature of the menopause because they
know that they’re not going to ‘live on’ in their children. They are the end
point of millions of years of evolution. That
shit is sobering to ponder on and you can either run from it or let it
transform you.[16]
A woman’s menstrual history is not
just biological. It is a core part of her identity. Despite all the taboos that surround
menstruation, its cessation at menopause is equally problematic. It has been
argued in various arenas that what is needed is a framework within which women
can see menopause as a time of transformation. Or as Frankie said, “our ovaries
deserve… some sort of send off… They deserve a goodbye.” In her book Thinking Woman, Allesandra Gillis Drage writes that
the needed framework must recognize that
this is not just ‘another new beginning’ in a life that is already full of new
experiences. Menopause is a difference. More than that, it is a difference that is
anticipated by women throughout their lives in thoughts of their future. Menopause is a long-term event that is
symbolic of ending and beginnings…
[Furthermore] …menopause is something that
resides in a woman’s future, something she is aware of as an upcoming event in
her life. It casts over her living a
symbolic aura. Hers is a life with an immanent new beginning… Menopause, seen as a new beginning, provides
women with the opportunity for personal growth, ‘elder wisdom.’ [17]
There are
certainly myriad ways that one might create a symbolic structure within which a
woman could celebrate this new phase of her life. One possibility is a Croning ceremony. For
many the word crone has both sexist
and ageist connotations.
Crones are assumed to be old and therefore
automatically ugly and probably ill-intentioned, if not downright malevolent. Today’s feminist spiritual tradition has
rescued the word. Within this tradition, the Crone reclaims her ancient
identity as one of the three aspects of the Goddess, along with the Maiden and
the Mother. These three aspects also represent the three phases of a woman’s
life, as she moves from childhood, through puberty and her time of fertility,
and then through maturity to old age. Traditionally, the third phase has always
been as important and honored as the other two…
[Crones] are the preservers of knowledge and the bearers of wisdom. They
are the healers, mentors, and advisors. They are wise women.
A croning ceremony therefore celebrates
the woman who has reached this new stage of her life, honors the contributions
she has made… and welcomes her to the new role she will play as a wise,
experienced, and valued elder. It is not about loss – loss of youth or
attractiveness or fertility – but about gain and growth – in wisdom and
experience and compassion and beauty that is both inward and outward.[18]
Menopause in
this context becomes a blessed rite of passage, encouraging women to take their
rightful role as leaders in their community.
A search of
available literature results in a variety of croning ceremonies and retreats,
developed primarily by Wiccan or feminist spiritual groups. There are also some
fine examples of Jewish rituals which hold within them a variety of traditional
Jewish symbols while embracing a feminist croning ceremony. These include the
reading of scripture, the wearing of the kittel[19]
and the making of a covenantal vow. In considering the development of a
Christian croning liturgy, these three features were significant.
In Sacraments of Life, Life of the Sacraments, Leonardo Boff wrote
“Anything can be a sacramental vehicle of divine grace.”[20]
For both Catholics and Protestants, this statement may need to be
untangled. As a Lutheran, I define the
two sacraments of Baptism and Communion as being instituted by Christ as a
visible sign of an invisible promise.
They are a very specific means of grace through which the recipient
receives the forgiveness of sin and new life in Christ. The sacraments are a
means to end human disgrace but they are not the only way one can experience
the love of God. Historically the
Lutheran church has lifted rites such as Ordination, Confession and Marriage as
also being a source of grace.
Whether one limits the number
of sacraments to seven or two, new rituals can be developed to ring deeper
meaning to a community’s life of faith. In
her article, Rituals in the United
States, Shulamit Magnus has said
Ritual is an act or a set of
actions that employs symbols meaningful to the participants in a formal,
repetitive, and stylized fashion. Ritual frames significant moments and
important new realities. It is often used to effect transition from one state
of being to another, as in weddings, funerals, or graduations. It is one of the
most fundamental ways that human beings mark meaning in their personal lives
and in the lives of their families and societies.[21]
The
liturgy that is in my following post, places a feminist croning ritual within
the framework of a Christian Affirmation of Baptism. It includes many of the features
found in other croning ceremonies: storytelling, the giving of a gift and a
connection to the abundance of creation. As a Christian ritual, it includes a
Baptismal water prayer, the reading of scripture, a covenantal vow, prayer and
the option to envision the Jewish kittel as a Baptismal gown.
In conclusion, for too long,
women have experienced shame about the natural and life giving process of
menstruation. We have been taught to believe it is unclean, which it is not, or
a source of embarrassment, which it should not be. We are led to believe that
we should not have public conversations about this universally female
experience. We treat it like a curse, an illness and a burden. When we reach
the age of menopause, rather than celebrating a new phase of our lives, (which
includes the blessed end of perimenopause) women often think of themselves as
being less: dried out, shriveled, empty,
old. Through the use sacred rituals, the
phases of a woman’s life including menarche, birth and menopause can be
celebrated and honored. Croning ceremonies offer a significant means for
framing menopause as a sign of wisdom and a transition to a new way of being.
[2]
http://femlegaltheory.blogspot.com/2015/03/its-time-to-fight-menstruation-taboo.html
[6]
Leviticus 15:19-24, New Living Translation
[7] Ezekiel 36:17, English Standard Version
[8]
Matthew 9:20-22; Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48
[10]
Genesis 18:11, English Standard Version
[19]
A kittel is a traditional Jewish
garment worn by a male at ceremonies marking life changes, at Passover, Yom
Kippur finally at his burial. Some
Jewish croning ceremonies include the presentation of a kittel which the woman
will wear at the time of her burial.
