Missing the Rabbi

In the annals of modernist art, three European Jewish names stand out: Marc Chagall, Chaim Soutine, and Amedeo Modigliani. A fourth should be added. This is Emmanuel Mané Katz. Born in 1894 to a traditional Jewish family in the Ukraine, he moved to Paris at the age of nineteen to pursue a career as a painter, and there joined the three more fabled artists named above. Together, they have been loosely called the School of Paris. [Not Marc Chagall, Aryeh Tepper]

Les Désguisés, M. Laurencin

In 1986 my mother and I visited the Petit Palais museum in Geneva, Switzerland. My primary reason for wanting to visit was to see artwork by Marie Laurencin, whose paintings of women I had come to admire. Before leaving the Petit Palais we went to the gift store where I purchased a print of one of Laurencin's paintings along with a print by Emmanuel Mané- Katz. He was completely unknown to me that day and sadly, for many years I wasn't even sure of his name when it hung on my living room wall. 

The Rabbi was painted towards the end of Mane-Katz' life in 1960.  Typical of his later work it is bright and colorful with a red-headed rabbi and a Torah cover of bright green. Rabbis, Torah covers and members of the Jewish community were primary subjects for M-K.  If, like me you've spent years with one of his paintings, you will see that the faces in The Rabbi are mirrored in many of M-K's work. Although, I must say, that I find the expressions in my painting to be particularly deep and meaningful.

Three years ago we moved twice in one summer and some how the rabbi never made it to our final destination. There is no way to truly replace the print. I can't go back to the Petit Palais gift shop. In fact, nobody can! It was a privately owned museum which closed after the owner died. The paintings are cared for by a trust which loans them to museums around the world. To date I can find no trace of my painting. I have searched for hours with little luck. M-K had a few favorite subjects, rabbis, students, Hasidic communities and Klezmer musicians. Every so often there is a still life of flowers or a bare breasted woman, but mostly it's Jewish men teaching, praying, worshipping or simply being, all of which makes this search more difficult. In the meantime though, I have come to have a deeper appreciation for this artist whose work clearly demonstrates his connections to Chagall, Picasso and others of his age. Again from Tepper's 2011 post in Jewish Ideas Daily.

The Rabbi, Emmanuel Mané-Katz

"Mané-Katz's connection to the Jewish world was based on more than nostalgia for a vanished past. He first visited the land of Israel in 1928, and returned often even while spending most of his adult life in Paris. During Israel's 1948-49 war of independence, he arrived with sixty of his paintings for an exhibition at the Tel Aviv museum; he was the fourth tourist formally to enter the newborn country.

"His love affair with Israel was officially consummated in 1958 when the city of Haifa offered him a modest villa perched on Mount Carmel overlooking the Mediterranean Sea, with the understanding that his works would be stored there after he passed away. He died suddenly four years later, in 1962. Today, the site is home to the Mané Katz museum." [A. Tepper] 

Today I emailed a used book store which has a museum catalog featuring the work of Mane-Katz. The Rabbi is the cover artwork and I am hoping it is of a size worth framing. On the other hand, if it is only as big as a snapshot, that might be okay as well. It would still remind me of the day with my mother; the lovely house that became a museum; and what it means for me to study the Hebrew Bible.

Living in the Gap

I'm on leave from call. It happens. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, it means I don't currently have a job. There are various reasons why pastors find themselves in this space. Changes in their personal lives. Changes at the church. Changes in perspective. Whatever the cause, it means living in the gap between the last thing and the next. 

Living in the gap means that you can probably wear pajama pants for most of the day. The key to this practice is to take a shower before other people come home from work and then change into clean pajama pants. Nobody is expecting you to put on makeup, but there are bonus points if you do more than let your hair air drip dry. 

You can catch an afternoon nap if you're minding the gap,  but try to schedule it before those other people come home. It's bad form to consistently be found lollygagging on the couch while others have put in a full day of work. If possible, do something during the day that is a visible sign that you did more than binge watch old tv shows. I have found that making dinner, emptying the dishwasher or starting a load of laundry are all seen as signs of life. Housemates may find it especially thrilling if you do one of their regular chores. It's a twofer. You get points for the chore itself, plus you're seen as being thoughtful.

If this sounds like the manipulations of a lazy person, you might be right. On the other hand, living in this particular gap can be emotionally exhausting. Looking for a new job is the hardest job around and the church doesn't like to make it too easy. There are pages of paperwork to complete with essays detailing your gifts, your skills and your favorite thoughts about God. 

As you consider what to say on all those forms, you are regularly reminded that you aren't doing any of those things that you claim to find important and engaging. It doesn't help that nobody is calling you Pastor. You see Pastor is not just a job or vocation, it's also a title. It even becomes part of your name. The number of people who call me Heidi is a mere fraction of the number who call me Pastor Heidi or just Pastor. Here in the gap, I'm Heidi or Mom. Even the dog thinks my name is Mom! 

It's not smart to get too comfortable here in the gap. You need to keep an eye on the third rail and God forbid you build a little fort down here with blankets and tv trays. Keeping busy is good. Doing those things that you said you would do some day can provide healthy activity. But every so often, take a look at what's on the other side of the gap. Look around. See what's there. Where are the best hand holds for climbing out when the time comes?

I am making a list of things to do this summer. There is a good combination of creativity, practical housekeeping, education and preaching for vacationing colleagues. All of which is good, but it's happening outside of my regular life. I'm living in the gap.