Living in the Gap

I'm on leave from call. It happens. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, it means I don't currently have a job. There are various reasons why pastors find themselves in this space. Changes in their personal lives. Changes at the church. Changes in perspective. Whatever the cause, it means living in the gap between the last thing and the next. 

Living in the gap means that you can probably wear pajama pants for most of the day. The key to this practice is to take a shower before other people come home from work and then change into clean pajama pants. Nobody is expecting you to put on makeup, but there are bonus points if you do more than let your hair air drip dry. 

You can catch an afternoon nap if you're minding the gap,  but try to schedule it before those other people come home. It's bad form to consistently be found lollygagging on the couch while others have put in a full day of work. If possible, do something during the day that is a visible sign that you did more than binge watch old tv shows. I have found that making dinner, emptying the dishwasher or starting a load of laundry are all seen as signs of life. Housemates may find it especially thrilling if you do one of their regular chores. It's a twofer. You get points for the chore itself, plus you're seen as being thoughtful.

If this sounds like the manipulations of a lazy person, you might be right. On the other hand, living in this particular gap can be emotionally exhausting. Looking for a new job is the hardest job around and the church doesn't like to make it too easy. There are pages of paperwork to complete with essays detailing your gifts, your skills and your favorite thoughts about God. 

As you consider what to say on all those forms, you are regularly reminded that you aren't doing any of those things that you claim to find important and engaging. It doesn't help that nobody is calling you Pastor. You see Pastor is not just a job or vocation, it's also a title. It even becomes part of your name. The number of people who call me Heidi is a mere fraction of the number who call me Pastor Heidi or just Pastor. Here in the gap, I'm Heidi or Mom. Even the dog thinks my name is Mom! 

It's not smart to get too comfortable here in the gap. You need to keep an eye on the third rail and God forbid you build a little fort down here with blankets and tv trays. Keeping busy is good. Doing those things that you said you would do some day can provide healthy activity. But every so often, take a look at what's on the other side of the gap. Look around. See what's there. Where are the best hand holds for climbing out when the time comes?

I am making a list of things to do this summer. There is a good combination of creativity, practical housekeeping, education and preaching for vacationing colleagues. All of which is good, but it's happening outside of my regular life. I'm living in the gap. 

My Fine Friends

This month my beloved RevGalBlogPals have double dog dared us to write something every week in July.  It's a "blog carnival" and the first question is What does Galship mean to you?*

About eight years ago I discovered the world of blogging.  My friend Lutheran Zephyr recommended it and at the time it gave me a place to anonymously vent about this and that.  A month or so later I had discovered the RevGalBlogPals ring and tentatively asked permission to join.  I read.  I commented.  I blogged.  I laughed and cried and confused my family with talk of Songbird, Will's Mama, Elastigirl, the Vicar of Hogsmeade and so many others. When the first Big Event was advertised I signed up and then instantly regretted it.  

What if nobody talked to me?  What if they didn't like me in real life?  What if I got seasick or lonely or bored? I didn't really know these women!  What was I thinking?

My daughter, who was 12 at the time, told me to "Stop worrying. It'll be fine!"  So off I went, feeling nervous and shy and slightly nauseous.  

The daughter was right.  It was fine.  More than fine.  It was one of the best weeks ever.  I relaxed.  I got to put voices and faces with names and stories. My online community became tangible and touchable.  

Since then, these "gals" have shared my joys and prayed when I sorrowed.  They have held my secrets and proclaimed the gospel.  I have delighted to spend time with them in the presence of my 78 year old mother and my 20 year old daughter.  They have saved my life on more than one occasion.  

Sounds mushy, I know, but galship isn't just girly friendship.  It is a deep, compassionate, honest, committed relationship centered in a shared faith in Jesus Christ.  It is not so much rare as remarkable.  It is fine, which if you check, may be defined as 

1. of superior or best quality; of high or highest grade:
2. choice, excellent, or admirable:
3. keen or sharp, as a tool.

*I have edited this post three or four times.  In part this was related to my lack of enthusiasm for the word gal.  I struggle with it because so often it feels like people use gal when they really mean woman.  Please know that my feeling about this particular word is no reflection on my deep love for those known as the RevGalBlogPals.

You are there and I am here.

I read a Facebook post this afternoon from someone affirming how the presence of a certain online community had strengthened her during a tough week.  Oh how I know what she means.

I have friends all over the world who are connected by the magic of the internet.  I've met a lot of them but not all.  I have prayed for them.  Laughed with them.  Had snarky little fights with a few.  Debated theology.  Wondered about life.  And then in less public forums, I have cried and been comforted.  Had my hand figuratively held.  Had my butt kicked a few times when I needed it.

The Bug Man finds it all rather mystifying.  He's not interested in chatting or texting or posting.  For him, the internet is what allows him to watch his beloved St. Louis Cardinals even when they're not playing the local team.  Anything else is unnecessary fluff.

Some would argue that all this technology is causing us to be insulated and separated from the world.  I know when my daughter texts at the dinner table I find myself feeling disconnected from her.  I suspect I do not have her full attention in those moments, no matter how scintillating the conversation may have been before her phone made that chirpy little bing bong noise.   And yet-  I have friends all over the world.  And just knowing that they are there, makes a world of difference.

She-Words

She took

She found

She entered

She did

She wondered

She bowed

She remembered

She came back

She told

She-Word exercise as described at http://revgalblogpals.blogspot.com/

Mary Magdalene in Luke's account of the Resurrection.

Artwork from Mozambique.

What's happening now?

Once again, it has been a long while since my last blog entry. I think Facebook is responsible for much this state of affairs. Another reason is that life has been complicated. For four years I served as the Manager of the Augsburg Fortress store in Philadelphia. It has been a wonderful calling. Almost hard to describe. In November, AF announced that it would be closing its stores. For several weeks I was unsure of where I would be going next. I wasn't ready to leave the seminary community that I have come to love, but what did God have planned? I am glad to say that the Lutheran Theological Seminary has invited me to stay on as the manager of their new campus bookstore. The process has often brought up the question, "How hard to I want to work for the next year?"

This week my friend Wil Gafney, Hebrew and OT prof at LTSP is off to the RevGalBlogPals' BE 2.0. I had so hoped to be along for the ride, but the changes at work have kept me here. I do hope she is enjoying her adventure. In the meantime, I have to settle for looking at pictures and getting greetings via Wil's Iphone.

Where has she been?

It has been an incredibly long time since I last blogged. This has happened before. A dry spot in the need to write. It's an oddity among bloggers. It started when our desktop pc died and Soda Chicky took over the laptop. It was summer and she seemed to always be attached to the machine. The girl was reading Fan Fiction, instant messaging her friends, swapping books on Swap Tree. I just gave up trying to get a turn.

Then I learned to knit. And so it seemed that much of my blogging time was filled with trying to figure out how to knit on double pointed needles and looking for dropped stitches. Fall began and the Chick had her own laptop provided by the school system. Hurrah! I thought. Now's my chance. But there are restrictions to the Chick's use of her school computer. Any fan fiction or other silliness needed to happen on my laptop. Plus I was out of practice. So still no blogging. And even less reading of other blogs.

This last month I learned that my job is going to change in April. For those who haven't guessed what an ELCA pastor with a specialized call does in Philadelphia- I work at the seminary. I manage the Augsburg Fortress store that is on campus. It was announced that Augsburg Fortress will be closing all of its retail stores on April 30, 2009. So I will be looking for a new call. It may be possible that the seminary will retain the bookstore under its own management and I would be the likely candidate to manage the store. But there is a lot to look at on both sides before that decision can be finalized.

In the meantime, I had hand surgery last week. I had a trigger thumb which means lousy tendonitis that kept my thumb from bending the way thumbs are supposed to bend. It gets better every day, but I have been accused of trying to keep up with the Bug Man who had a second hand surgery earlier this Fall. He is still off from work and so now we begin the process of doing hand exercises together. (This is not as much fun as it sounds.)

I've also taken on a sweet little part-time job at a small church nearby. I am the "Minister of Christian Education." This means working with the Sunday School of a dozen or so kids aged 10 and under and doing the weekly children's sermon. I am having a great time on Sunday mornings and this experience may help greatly in the ongoing discernment process.

So that's where I've been and what I've been doing. I've been thinking about blogging for the last few weeks, so I think the dry spell is over!

Friday Five: What's in a name?

It's my week to post the Friday Five and after having dinner with Songbird and her Princess, I knew what I had to do!

If you are a regular reader of Songbird's blog, you know that "The Princess" has requested a new name. Her older brother changed his "secret identity" a while back and now this lovely young lady is searching for a new name on her mother's blog. This got me to thinking. How do we come up with all of these names? There must be at least a few good stories out there.

In honor of the Princess I have posted a picture of one of my favorite members of fictional royalty, Robert Munch's "Paperback Princess." She is a brave young woman who doesn't need anyone else to fight her battles. And she knows that what is most important isn't tiaras and finery but what's on the inside. If you haven't read this little fairy tale, I highly recommend it. But I digress.

1. So how did you come up with your blogging name? My blogging name RevHRod is related to a high school nickname. My friends in the art department used to call me H. Rod because of the sloppy way I signed my photograph. Before I was a Rev it was my aol screen name. Post ordination, I modified. And/or the name of your blog? I wanted to feel that my blogging was more about the writing than the reading. And Baby Sister really did say this to my mother one day when Mountain Mama was too tired/preoccupied to listen to the musings of a five year old. Baby Sister said, "That's okay, Mom. You don't have to listen, I just like to talk."
2. Are there any code names or secret identities in your blog? Any stories there? Soda Chicky is my daughter's secret identity. She gave it to herself when she started IMing people. Don't know what it means and I'm not sure she does either. But some how it fits. The Bug Man is my husband who does pest control. My sisters named themselves as did my mother. My staff has been given names that have a strange little connection in my brain.
3. What are some blog titles that you just love? For their cleverness, drama, or sheer, crazy fun? Pink Shoes in the Pulpit; Freshly Ground Freshly Brewed (I love her handle- Hot Cup Lutheran); The Vicar of Hogsmeade.
4. What three blogs are you devoted to? Other than the RevGalBlogPals blog of course! When I have no energy to read any other blogs, I find myself coming back again and again to see how Will's Mama, Songbird and Presby Gal are getting along in the world.
5. Who introduced you to the world of blogging and why? My dear friend Lutheran Zephyr introduced me to blogging. His wife told him he needed a blog because he had too many opinions and she couldn't listen to ALL of them. It seemed like a good reason to blog.

Bonus question: Have you ever met any of your blogging friends? Where are some of the places you've met these fun folks? I met a bunch on the BE and it was wonderful! I've also run into Pink Shoes at the ELCA National Assembly and some others that I'm not coming up with right now because I'm too sleepy!

Are you addicted to Facebook?

In April, Baby Sister double dog dared me to get a Facebook account. Actually, she said that if I didn't sign up she would do it for me. What choice did I have?

So now I have a Facebook account. If you know my real name you can find me pretty easily. I mostly wanted to join up so that I could play Scrabulous. I love Scrabble. And now I can play Scrabble with Songbird, Baby Sister and other online friends.

But I also find that I want to know what's going on with my community. My workspace is in the basement of our building. Things happen above ground and sometimes I miss things. Now I know stuff that I don't even need to know. It's a strange lurking kind of thing. And yet it's not.

Soda Chicky has a Facebook account. I can look at the pictures she posts from various parties and field trips. A couple of her friends have also "friended" me. One of her friends thinks it is too, too strange that I have Facebook. But the Chick and I have agreed that there is nothing creepy about all of this and we feel comfortable with seeing what the other one is up to.

I have had chats with kids who used to be in my youth group and are now grown up. I caught up with a friend from high school and two of Baby Sister's old boyfriends. (They found me, not the other way around.)

And then there's Flair. It's an addictive thing. How much Flair can you send? How much Flair do you get? Do you make your own Flair for special occasions?

And that Lil' Green thing. How can sending an email really help the environment? I think it might be a scam and yet people keep sending me these pretend plants. I'm totally confused about that one.

So I am trying not to become too addicted to Facebook and yet...

Friday Five at the Beach

Well it's been a month since I blogged. A busy, crazy kind of month. But I am determined to get back into this whole blogging thing!

This week Mother Laura at RGBP posted a set of memory joggers related to a day at the beach. So here goes!

1. Ocean rocks, lake limps? Vice versa? Or "it's all beautiful in its own way"? When I was a girl we used to go to Asilomar near Monterey, California every year in October. I fondly remember looking in tide pools for anemones and other creachers. I loved the beach in the autumn! But then again, there are some lovely lake memories from Canada and Colorado! It's all good as long as it's not too hot. (The picture is of Asilomar State Park.)

2. Year round beach living: Heaven...or the Other Place? Really don't like to be very, very hot or sunburned. So the beach in August is not my favorite. But I might be willing to reconsider if the commute wasn't too long. I do love the beach in the cold months though.

3. Any beach plans for this summer? I'd really love to take the Chick to the Jersey Shore a few times this summer.

4. Best beach memory ever? See number one above. Also, Corpus Christi on a weekend break from CPE, Cocoa Beach with my extended family, Nice with waiters bringing Mademoiselle a gin and tonic, Delawanna in Canada with my family... too many to choose.

5. Fantasy beach trip? Open the door and there it is! That would be the fantasy. No long drives. No flies. No dead fish like you sometimes get at Lake Michigan. Not too hot. And right outside the door. Oh! And maybe the French waiter stops by every so often.

A Bad, Bad Blogger

I have been a bad, bad blogger. Haven't written. Haven't read. It's sad and it's computer related. First the desk top pc did some funky smoky thing. We've turned it off permanently. This means the Chick became attached to my laptop. While I was gone on a business trip, something bad happened to the hinge on my pretty little laptop. Soda Chicky says she doesn't know how it happened. I have not fumed or cried, but it does mean that the laptop is now functioning more like a desktop computer. It's sitting quietly upstairs until I take it to have it's hinge fixed. We still have my old laptop which is very persnickety about going online. It thinks. It ponders. It whirrs and then after about twenty minutes you can get online. But will you stay online? This is the question and the frustration.

Since last blogging, I have been to Chicago and spent time with Baby Sister and Adventure Girl. (This is a three year old picture of me and AG at the Shore.) Other things have also happened.

• The boss of my boss came to visit for 36 hours. It went well but it was a little nervous making.
• The big boss took us to a swanky restaurant. Very good.
• Bug Man continues to recover from his surgery. Workers' Comp is saying this surgery is not related to his injury from two years ago. The doctor says "Oh, yes it is!" Now the lawyers get to fight it out. We hope they give us some money soon. Sigh...
• Baby Sister insisted I get a Facebook account. Did you know you can play Scrabulous all day long? Every hour or so you check on it... Can be distracting....
• The Chick's friends sometimes send me notes on Facebook. It's a very interesting thing.
• Mountain Mama and Papa Joe arrive today to celebrate the Chick's Confirmation on Sunday. How did she get so old? When was the last time I dusted? Why can't the Bug Man run the vacuum one handed?
• I saw JVZ on Saturday. I got lost on my way to the cute little university town north of here. She patiently waited and gave me directions via cell phone. I think I broke the law talking on my cell phone in the little state next to ours. I don't care. I blame their passive aggressive turnpike for my getting lost to begin with!
• The MIL arrives on Friday. The Chick still needs to clean her room some more before then. Should be fun. Hah!

That's all for now. Dorothy graduates on Sunday. Yeah for her!! She is so smart and clever and now she will be the "Master" of all she surveys.

Nine Dollars a Pack

This is it, people! I promised the Chick that when I got home from this trip, I would be a smoke free mother. While in the Windy City I bought my last pack at the hotel. It cost me nine dollars. The math says 45 cents a smoke. Yikes!

I have been away from blogging this week due to travels and having the cruddy laptop with me. Plus I forgot the wireless card at home. At least I think it's at home. While being gone a few interesting things (or at least interesting to me) happened.

• Spent some time with Adventure Girl. We went to the Tom Skillings' Tornado Seminar. I now know far more than I ever thought I would know about tornados. At some points, the speakers started to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher....
• Went to a couple of great restaurants: Carnivale for Peruvian food and Tuscany on Taylor. Both great places. Had yucca... still don't like it, but the paco paco and the sangria were great. Had veal with a white wine sauce, squares of gorgonzola and asparagus. Yummy!
• Spent time with Baby Sister and her gang of boys. Baby Sister convinced me to open a Facebook account. Not sure how dedicated I will be and Chatterbox said, "Mrs.. I am shocked you have a facebook!"
• My major project for this trip went great!
• I've slept in seven different beds in two weeks. Fell out of bed number six when the wake up call rang me awake. Have a carpet burn and a nasty bruise on my knee. Feel pretty goofy about it. My uber boss says it has happened to him when he has travelled. Felt goofy but better after that.
• Going home tomorrow. Hope the BugMan remembers to fetch me.
  

Can't stay up ALL Night!

The gift of the BE is twenty new friends. And most of them are blogging and emailing and chatting to beat the band right now. It's fifteen minutes past my bedtime and I don't want to go to sleep because I am afraid I'll miss something. (We call it "Family Reunion Syndrome" at my house.)

I said this in another spot, but it can't be said too often. When you have online friends they are wonderful. I have prayed for these folks. I've tried to cheer them and cheer for them. I've laughed and cried and sighed with them. But now they are no longer two dimensional. As I told Will Smama, the package got fuller. As a result, the things they have written over the last few days have been much deeper. Much truer. And I can feel the blogged hugs because I know what the real hugs feel like.

I can hear their laughs and their lovely voices. Such a blessing I had not imagined when I made my deposit six months ago.

But now I really should go to bed. Tomorrow is another day of work. And I do need to do some work. Although it will be hard not to check a few blogs in between the tasks of the day!

Bloggers are decent people at bottom

So on NPR today, this was the quote from some guy who apparently gets negative feedback from bloggers, "...even bloggers are decent people at bottom." The guy's a political commentator and clearly he doesn't know the RevGalBlogPals. Beyond decent! Just fabulous people!

I had a great time on the BE aka The Big Event with my RevGalBlogPals. Didn't even need to leave the dock in New Orleans. We could have just sat on the aft deck and I would have been happy. The scenery was just icing on the delicious cake!

Since getting back, lots of folks have wanted reports on what the BE was all about. It was about JOY! Pure joy. I am so glad I got out of my midwestern, Norwegian, mildly introverted box and went on this trip. All the extra supply preaching to pay the way was well worth it!

Some highlights were definitely...

• Charbroiled oysters at the oyster bar with GracebytheSea. Also enjoyed the raw oysters and the melt in your mouth oysters in my not to be believed gumbo at Emeril's. A food previously described as slimey or boiled erasers now has a very joyful spot in my heart.


• A Joy Tattoo! We were all given a word to meditate on during the trip. Mine was joy. Couldn't get a spray paint tattoo of joy- so I took the one shown above- energy. The joy of the trip has given me energy. Hope my boss appreciates my new artwork on Sunday. Hee hee hee! If it washes off before then, I may color it in with a sharpy marker! Several us went under the paintgun. Mine is the one on the wrist. Will Smama's is the real one!


• Three martinis and twelve olives! This was my quote for the night before we went home. I slept real well and I remember, Cheeshead, I remember! What a lovely, lovely night!


• The back of the boat. We sat on the aft deck in the afternoon alternately amusing and scaring off other cruisers. It was a blessed place and very close to the soft serve ice cream.


• Learning about geocaching. The Vicar of Hogsmeade is a geocacher. It's like a scavenger hunt with a GPS. She took a group out on Cozumel and they FOUND it! I'm thinking we all need to hide geocaches on our church signs.


• Mexican food in Mexico. Fabulous food with Songbird, RevDrKate and our own English rose. Still can't believe she came all the way from England! What a treat!


• Laughing. Crying. Listening. Talking. Reading. It was all good!

We're almost outta here!

In an hour and a half, the Bug Man will come home from his bug job to take me to the airport. I am LEAVING for vacation with the RevGals on the Big Event cruise. I have tried to get all my work done before I left. I have prepaid bills so that the Bug Man has no worries. I have confirmed the Chick's doctor's appointment for Friday. And I think I am all packed.

As I have been getting ready to leave, I have found less time to even consider blogging. But here are a few of the things that have been true of my life:

• I was unable for many weeks to remember what part of Mexico we were docking at for our daylong excursion. I really didn't care. I just want to eat some Mexican food and they have that everywhere in Mexico. I can now say with confidence that we are docking in Cozumel.
• I have had insomnia. This even happened last night when I crashed at about 1:30am. All of my usual tricks have been only moderately successful. I want to take a nap on my vacation.
• I am really not worried about leaving my staff for a week. They are way too competent for me to worry. I love this!
• We had a lovely Easter meal with Dorothy and her hubby. Ham and asparagus and cheesy potatoes and a fabulous rendition of a "poke cake" that Dorothy made with strawberries and fresh whipped cream. Think strawberry shortcake and then kick it up a notch!
• I wonder if I can take a ham sandwich on the plane. Probably not. We have a lot of leftove ham.
• I have a major project at work that is 90% done. It is due a few days after we get home. It involves writing and powerpointing. My eyes got bleary and I decided to stop at 4:00 yesterday. It will just have to wait.
• My folks are almost home after spending Holy Week at Spring Training in Arizona. They continue to make retirement look like a really fun deal! I hope to try it when I'm their age.

Well, that's all I can think to say for now. I am not taking my laptop on the ship. It's heavier than it looks and I also think I need a little "radio silence" in my life. I'm going to give every effort not to go to the computer lounge to check my email. Or at least not more than once a day....

The Delinquent Blogger

So when your blogging friends ask where you've been... it's clearly time to get back on the keyboard! I have been busy with work stuff, home stuff, holiday stuff.... blah, blah, blah. No real excuse. Perhaps I've had nothing to say. This is also a possibility.

Next week I am going on an actual vacation. BugMan, Soda Chicky and I are flying to see Mountain Mama and Papa Joe. We leave on Christmas Eve Day and come back on the 30th. This is the first vacation I have taken since starting my latest gig. I have five weeks of vacation time due me and I will manage to eat up three days of it. This is silly! And the vacation is so overdue. I can feel myself yearning for the wonders of laziness. Days of it in a row! I have no need to see sights or be entertained. I just want to hang with the family and enjoy the thrill of NO WORK!

So, one more day of work and then a couple days off to do last minute shopping and packing. Hopefully we won't get trapped at Midway Airport on our way west. Papa Joe is sure we'll get trapped on the way back. But hey! It's all part of the holiday!

Re-arranging the Furniture

So I changed the cosmetics of my blog. I'm not sure it's what I wanted, but I was bored with green. (It's the long green season, don't you know!)

The need to recolor the blog made me remember stories a friend used to tell about his mom. When he was a kid, you never knew when you might come home and find that mom had completely switched the living room around.

I decided it was genetic. He grew up to be a pastor with a modular chancel platform and "flexible seating". You never knew when you might come into worship and everything had moved.

Tag! You're It!

I was tagged by the Dog Blogger. This one comes in sets of four. They're a collection of strange little tidbits.

Four jobs I've held: Avon Lady, Babysitter, Weekend Housekeeper in the dorm (disgusting), LCA Youth Staffer.

Four films I could watch over and over: The Americanization of Emily, Crossing Delancey, Indiscreet, Charade.

Four TV shows I watch: reruns of The Gilmore Girls, Ugly Betty, Dr. Who, Top Chef.

Four places I've lived: Ava, Missouri; Canoga Park, California; Aurora, Colorado; Aurora, Illinois.
Four favorite foods: bread with real butter, peanut butter and chocolate ice cream, curry, steak.

Four websites I visit every day: RevGalBlogPals, AOL, my bank, Internet Scrabble Club.

Four places I would love to be right now: Woodland Park, Colorado; Paris, France; Monterey, California; Holden Village, Washington.

Four names I love but would/could not use for my children: Amy (it was already taken), Jacob (my colleague said, "You would name your child after The Deceiver!?!), Jack (it would sound bad with our last name), and Hepziba (fun to say, but not a good name for this century).

Lutheran Zephyr, Pink Shoes, Wills Mama, and Songbird- consider yourself tagged if you haven't already played this one. And if you don't feel like it, no problem!