Living in the Gap

I'm on leave from call. It happens. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, it means I don't currently have a job. There are various reasons why pastors find themselves in this space. Changes in their personal lives. Changes at the church. Changes in perspective. Whatever the cause, it means living in the gap between the last thing and the next. 

Living in the gap means that you can probably wear pajama pants for most of the day. The key to this practice is to take a shower before other people come home from work and then change into clean pajama pants. Nobody is expecting you to put on makeup, but there are bonus points if you do more than let your hair air drip dry. 

You can catch an afternoon nap if you're minding the gap,  but try to schedule it before those other people come home. It's bad form to consistently be found lollygagging on the couch while others have put in a full day of work. If possible, do something during the day that is a visible sign that you did more than binge watch old tv shows. I have found that making dinner, emptying the dishwasher or starting a load of laundry are all seen as signs of life. Housemates may find it especially thrilling if you do one of their regular chores. It's a twofer. You get points for the chore itself, plus you're seen as being thoughtful.

If this sounds like the manipulations of a lazy person, you might be right. On the other hand, living in this particular gap can be emotionally exhausting. Looking for a new job is the hardest job around and the church doesn't like to make it too easy. There are pages of paperwork to complete with essays detailing your gifts, your skills and your favorite thoughts about God. 

As you consider what to say on all those forms, you are regularly reminded that you aren't doing any of those things that you claim to find important and engaging. It doesn't help that nobody is calling you Pastor. You see Pastor is not just a job or vocation, it's also a title. It even becomes part of your name. The number of people who call me Heidi is a mere fraction of the number who call me Pastor Heidi or just Pastor. Here in the gap, I'm Heidi or Mom. Even the dog thinks my name is Mom! 

It's not smart to get too comfortable here in the gap. You need to keep an eye on the third rail and God forbid you build a little fort down here with blankets and tv trays. Keeping busy is good. Doing those things that you said you would do some day can provide healthy activity. But every so often, take a look at what's on the other side of the gap. Look around. See what's there. Where are the best hand holds for climbing out when the time comes?

I am making a list of things to do this summer. There is a good combination of creativity, practical housekeeping, education and preaching for vacationing colleagues. All of which is good, but it's happening outside of my regular life. I'm living in the gap.